I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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