I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
