I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize