we made out on top of his cat.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
