we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
