If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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