His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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