So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I smell stomach acid.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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