Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
