Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
