i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
