Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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