His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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