So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Randomize
