so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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