ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
