my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
