Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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