am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
