Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
