I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
