there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
