the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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