Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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