we're chasing vodka with high fives
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
zippers are such a cool invention
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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