My sheets look like a crime scene.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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