Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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