I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
