question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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