Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
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