i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
