I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
