Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
