So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
