Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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