uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Found your dick twin last night
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
