she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
