I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
