Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
