do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
