CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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