I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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