I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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