you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
