Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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