Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
