sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Found the puke drawer
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
