she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize