I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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