You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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