He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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