that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
