dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
