And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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