Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
PANTIES FOUND
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
