....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
