...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
