thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
