also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
