Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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