He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
