oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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