It was confusing and full of hummus
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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