WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
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