I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
