I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
