she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just saw a hot homeless man
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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