I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
