I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
