He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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