8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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