My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
