Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
