New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
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