when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
