I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I only lived at night.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
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