Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
