eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
