another moral hangover. fuck.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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