I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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