So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
