I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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