So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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