You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
pray to the hookup gods
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
