I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
