I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
