I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
