1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
