i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
