there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
