I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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