I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Randomize
