covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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