i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
the raccoons are back...
Randomize