Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
