I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize