I think i peed on brittanys purse
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
