well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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